Christmas?

As we talked about Christmas gift.  You put in so much thought into what to get ur parents and your sisters.    Heck, i put in a lot of thought towards what to get them too. then 2 weeks before i "plan" to show up you ask me what i want for Christmas -- but really it only came up coz i ask you what i am getting for Christmas.  I really just want some indication that you put in some thought for me. because we've been talking about what you want and watever one else in your family wants.  -- All i want is for you to say "something good", "it's a surprise" or something that would tell me that u didnt forget about me.  -- i dont expect ur family to think about me.  I do expect my bf to have thought about me.  u asked me what i want.  --that just really tells me that u havent thought about it at all.

but u told me that i already bought my own Xmas Christmas present. $20 ear muffs.  apparently that was all i was getting.   the same ear muffs i got your sister.  trouble is, i wasnt just going to give her the ear muffs.  When i told you that i thought i went a little too far with ur sister's Christmas present you told me that it wasnt alot even with the added stuff.  -- i know this message is all jumbled up in to one thing.  -- but i hope there's an understanding as to why i would be a little psychologically "unbalanced" with the idea.    -- it wasnt too much for your sister,  but for your gf it's enough.

THEN made a joking comment about me wanting the most / the best when i half complained. -- well i never said that.... but really... why not?  i do want the most, the best.   not from ur sisters or ur brother in law. -- but from my bf?  YES.  i do.  ur sisters' got their bf / husband to spoil them. If u want to spoil them, then that's ur thing.  But is it wrong of me to expect my bf to spoil me more than he spoils any one else?

what's more...it looks like i'm trying to impress ur sister. which i dont understand why i am... i'm not asking her to impress me.  and frankly if i was to be a mean bitch, i would say i really care what she thinks of me.  If what ur sisters think changes what u feel about me then u dont really love me.  u love who ever will make ur family happy.  and i'm not it,  i'm not an entertainment doll.

So. Get ur parents the $300 receiver.  get urself $1100 microphones.   ur gf?  heck check the dollar store they have some neat stuff there.  i'll bet they will still have things in stock the day before Christmas.

3am

Needing ur touch has never been an easy thing to ignore.  lately it's been harder than ever.

this isnt a path i would choose for anyone.  

my rock.   my pillar.   my support.   the one person who would still be on my side when the world turns on me.

-- all i want is to make this hurt stop --

Is that too much to ask for?

Blowfish

Woke up by my alarm this morning at 9:15am.  I was tired but forced myself to wake up anyways and decided to get some studying done before mom wakes up.  Mom kept sleeping while I got up, took a shower and started studying.  It wasn't until almost 1pm did she finally woke up.  We headed downtown soon after.

It was a bright sunny day. We had a late lunch at Cafe Crepe and parted ways. I stayed at Blenz to study and she went shopping.  I studied only a few interruptions of updates from my friends on the phone but that was it. It was quite productive as far as studying goes. I'm growing tired of studying and cant believe i still have so long before my exam.  I know there is still a lot of material i have to cover and study. But i've never been very good at studying on my own.  -- i miss my study groups and late-nights with my friends at the university library.  I can always count on them to keep me focused or distracted (depending on the day) :p   but at least i had company and i was entertained.  It wasn't just the library where we made our mark.  the rez. common rooms and study halls. heck, even the lobby was a place for us to study!

My mom came back about 3 hours later with bags of goodies from Roots, Danier, American Eagle...  I asked her if she had fun, she nodded and smiled. I laughed at her. -- but now we know where i got my shopping tendencies from :p   like mother like daughter. :p -- Shopaholics.

Found out about a horrible news today... all I can say is that I am glad I am not there anymore. If I was, I would feel so shitty.  People were right... it was a blessing in disguise.  I would have hated doing what I would have to do if I was still there.

Hmmm... Haven't been feeling very well all day today.  My eyes are tired and i feel bloated and on edge. (like an angry blowfish,  with spikes and all!) -- Time for Bubbles to go to bed. -- soon. :p

Decorated Fridge

- Decorated my Fridge - 

A reminder of who and what's important to me. As I take more photos and have them developed I will have a lot more to add to this fridge. -- the surface that was once blank and boring.  

It's a reminder of what i'm made of. The people in my life who shape who I was and who I've become. It's in what they do, what they say and how they make me feel. 

My parents:  They will always be proud of me.  Though they don't often voice this, I can see in these pictures, such as graduation day, that June 2nd, 2010 was not just my special day, it was theirs too.  

My friends: who's always available to listen and support with open hearts and open mind (mostly anyway).  They keep me grounded, feeling secure and brave.  They are my safety net.  -- the only reason how the dependent me dare make the brave decision to live in a city on my own.

My family: the people who watched me grow up. Though, due to distance, they cant always be around me, but they will always be apart of who I am and who I have become. My cousins who would never treat me like a stranger just because it has been years since we last met. My aunts and uncles who still never fails grasp every opportunity to poke fun and bug the hell out of me. 

Last but not least: My Boyfriend:  Who always tries his best to give me what I want. To make me happy he would do almost anything. Who loves me and listens to all my rambling. 

-- At the end of the day: Love is all that matters. And I can proudly say, I'm not short on that. --

-- Bottom Line: I wouldn't trade any one for any thing! -- 

The Hoodie

The summer is almost over and the days are getting chillier. I looked around the room yet again for that hoodie I always like to cuddle up with. I let out a long disappointed sigh as I sat back on my bed, remembering that you took it with you this time.  I pouted to myself "that was my favorite!"

Some nights, when the day's been lonely and the night is too quiet, and when i have trouble settling down, I turn on the radio and put on that hoodie.  It always make me feel better and puts me to sleep.

I reached over to my closet and grabbed the first sweater I laid my hands on. The sweater kept me warm but it just isn't the same.

I told you that it was ok for you to take it, but now i just feel like I have nothing to remember you by.

But it's fair, I suppose, the hoodie is yours after all.