The Unspeakable --One

Studying in UBC have always been... One of my dreams

But studying here... i've come to terms with becoming some one I never knew I COULD become

The Cold hearted bitch to ppl I dont care about / ppl i dislike, but appearently warm and loving at the same time to them.

The plan scheming, self preserving, ppl sabotaging, low-life kind of person i've always been afraid of. those kind of ppl I HATE.

and

I've become one of THEM.

For those of whom knew me from before may be shocked (or not) and wonder where your old Sandy went.

I wonder the same thing....

All i know is that She's scared... she's hating every inch of this new person she is becoming and she dont know how to turn back.

she wants to survive here, to get through without getting hurt, and she see no alternative ways to do this, but become Cold Hearted and Bitter in every way possible.

This came to her as a hammer to the head, when her close friend, presumebly bestfriend here in UBC. chatted with (for convinience sake) GuyA, with friendly gustures, extended invitation and light touches on the arm. only to turn to me at the end of the conversation when the guy had walked away to say, "I Fucken Hate That Guy."  

This stirred up a few thoughts.  first of all... just a couple of days ago she was telling me how she does not miss (in fact she is glad ) that one of her close friends last year didnt come back to UBC this year. 

1st Horrifying thought that i made plans with GuyB that i have no intention to keep.

2nd Horrifying thought, if she could do this with GuyA, and with her close friend, what does she REALLY think of me?

3rd Horrifying thought, i'm a horrible person to even think that she isnt a real friend, but yet. i cant help wondering... and doubting...

My Baby Niece

I am so very happy to be able to meet my baby niece. she is 2 months old and she absolutely adorable. though she is just a baby, i can tell she LOVES me!! she would be all fussy, moving around and all. or she would be annoyed but as soon as i held her she would stop fussing and smile.
when she fuss, i dont mean crying, she doesnt cry that much. such a good baby~
she would just move around a lot when you hold her, or show that she's uncomfortable.

amazing thing is that she sleeps through the night, she would want to be feed at 4a.m. like all babies, but as soon as she's been feed she would go back to bed. making her working parent's life so easy. haha.

I havent seen her for 4 days. i miss her like crazy... i wanna steal her and bring her to canada with me!! wahhaha.

Working like crazy... work is busy and i'm so very tired..., every day!! (sobb.)
this is so not a vacation!!

Success!!!!

ooooooooo look ~~ Look what Bubbles did down there!! wooooo!!

Trial~~Will it Work?

ok ~
so ... bubbles figure out how to put songs on the Blogger site THROUGH Xanga lol...
coool eh. ~ but it cant be a blog post it has to be a section all on it's own.
also mean that Bubbles can only have one song at a time on the website.
but Bubbles guess it's better than nothing...
Wait, Bubbles just thought of something.. if Bubbles can do this... then... can Bubbles just post the song code directly on to a blog post entry? would that work?
let Bubbles try a try.

My Heart

My heart is not where it wants to be,
It keep telling me so...i chose to ignore it,
but all i want now is to be free,
to stop feeling so confused, to stop struggling.
if only i was brave enough to step up.
to step up and tell the world what my heart screams out each night.
every night dream of the future i desire,
when i wake up each morning and realize it was all a dream,
i return to my usual routine, with no enthusiasm, no courage.

i've been waiting for some one to come and force me to take action
i know that wont happen. but i wish....

i thought i could handle this...
i ignored my honest friends and loving teachers and my caring aunt,
and i stumbled into this world, where people and things are cold and distant.
a world that seem so shallow and emotionless.
a world in which i do not belong.
now all i want is out. to run away.
but i have no energy, no courage to make any more changes.

世界上最傻的人, 明知道他眼中沒有自己…卻還是死心踏地的愛他。
the world's silliest person, is knowing there is no you in his heart, but still love him the way you do.
世界上最傻的人, 他可以沒有自己…自己卻還是不能沒有他。
The world's silliest person, he can live without, but you can't live without him.
世界上最傻的人, 愛的苦、愛的痛、愛的累，卻還要堅持去愛。
The world's silliest person, love is bitter, love is painful, love is tiring, but you still keep loving
世界上最傻的人, 明明他就在你的旁邊…卻還是不告白。
The world's silliest person, is knowing that he's right there be side you, but doesnt have the guts to tell him you love him
世界上最傻的人, 不在乎自己會傷的有多麼重...卻在乎他是否快樂。
The world's silliest person, doesnt care how much you are hurting, but is concerned whether or not he is happy.
世界上最傻的人, 只會關心著他事情…卻不懂得多愛自己一點。
The world's silliest person, only cares about him, but doesnt know how to love yourself more.

Every Girl Has Her Own Charm

"every girl has her own charm"
some girl has that Sexy thing
some girl has that Cute thing
some girl has that Smart thing ... etc.
i've got Nothing.