世界上最傻的人

世界上最傻的人, 明知道他眼中沒有自己…卻還是死心踏地的愛他。
世界上最傻的人, 他可以沒有自己…自己卻還是不能沒有他。
世界上最傻的人, 愛的苦、愛的痛、愛的累，卻還要堅持去愛。
世界上最傻的人, 明明他就在你的旁邊…卻還是不告白。
世界上最傻的人, 即使心裡不願意...卻還是會誠心祝福他幸福。
世界上最傻的人, 永遠只會看著他和別人快樂,自己卻每晚躲在棉被裡哭泣。
世界上最傻的人, 掩飾自己對他的情感不說...眼睜睜看著他對別人好。
世界上最傻的人, 不在乎自己會傷的有多麼重...卻在乎他是否快樂。
世界上最傻的人, 只在乎他到底快不快樂，卻不在乎自己有多難過。
世界上最傻的人, 只會關心著他事情…卻不懂得多愛自己一點。
世界上最傻的人, 是只會一廂情願的人。
世界上最傻的人, 是不求他回報自己的人。
世界上最傻的人, 是愛他說不出口的人。

我就是世界上最傻的人

Tired Day At Work

Today, i started work at 11am, i work with 2 other guys, one of which is my boss. and the other is one of those 'big brother' figure for me. so i was really happy working the first shift.
Usually when ppl work double shifts, the night ppl know, and will cut you some slack and not ask you to do a lot at night.
but the guy i worked with tonight night was... sigh. well...
simply put. i can barely keep my smile to the customers (barely... but i managed). nearing the end of the night shift i had to lean against the counter to ease the pain of my back and feet.
(job requires me to keep standing, so working for 12 hrs means standing for 12 hrs)

i asked him to do something, he would stroll around til i got tired of waiting and go do it myself.

at some point i would kneel down to get something in the lower drawers and wish i could kneel like that for a while longer.

you know u are REALLY tired when kneeling becomes a luxury.

The Leo.

Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Usually happy, but when unhappy tend to be grouchy and childish. A leo's problem becomes everyone's problem. Most Leos are very predictable and tend to be monotonous. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Very predictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found.

Yup! that's a Leo alright~ totally me!!!~
well i dont know about being a Great kisser or Addictive or not.
but absolutely Out Going, and Loves Being in Long Relationships and totally Talkative
Not some one u wanna mess with!! haha (definately good when found hehe)
just a little heads up~.
:P

Nov. 20th 2007~ !!

Nov. 20th 2007~~
Hummm it started off as a very aweful midnight hw session.
Economics was driving me crazy... been working on this assignment for quite a while... 2 weeks to be exact. and well Wednesday (tomorrow) is the due date. So i was making final adjustments and etc. and our very lame(but nice and goood) professor ask us to type up our assignments.. so i was trying to make all sorts of formulas and equations, and formating appear on my stupid hw.
That was my awful Tuesday 2am.
Finally finished, and got into bed at 3am and decided it wasn't worth the effort to attend my morning class. ~

--zzZZzz--

I slept in until 10, showered and got ready for work...
was in a very grumpy mood. ~ Got to Vera's (place where i work)
Said a quick hello to my boss. and went straight to the back to see what i could do that doesnt involve me having to deal with the customers.

Shahin(my boss), however, was in a extremely happy mood today. Started Dancing and singing around me. he's always been silly, but today was even more so.
he asked me to do the recycling, i was glad i could, (means i could go and take as long as i want flattening the cardboard all on my own.... no customers)
Yes very Dark and unhappy Sandy at that moment. ...

one thing about working at Vera's, ppl are so nice there, and Shahin is so polite and silly it is hard to stay grumpy even if u were having a bad day....

so as i worked, my mood got better~ then Shahin put in a DVD (i dont know what it was) into our flat screen TV, and it was showing ppl who cant dance but is dancing hah! look sooo funny, that got me laughing. i guess shahin notice my unusually quiet mood and point at me and said "look JP (my coworker) i made her laugh!"

When we take ur order we ask for ur name and when ur order is ready we call out ur name for u to pick it up at the counter.
~~ so later on that night, this guy in his mid 20's came in with his friend and ordered. JP took the order, and i was making the food... she turned to me and told me i have to say the guy's name really loud.. i didnt get what she was saying at first coz i always make sure our customers can hear me and come get their order...
not until i had to call out the name for the order i realised...
the name was:
"Sexy Pants"

lol~ i turned to JP and asked. are u serious? she said yea, Dead serious. really loud plz.
so i called "Sexy Pants" and this guy turned around and grinned and ask "SORRY!?!? I CANT HEAR YOU WHAT'S THAT? Louder plz!!"
So i YELLED... "SEXY PANTS"
and he went "ohh! that's gotta be me!"

the next customer thought that was funny and decided to do a name of his own....
and called himself "Sir Cocks A Lot"...
i ....sigh... ppl.. you should see my face after that Sexy pants episode.. it was Pink..

now with this Sir Cocks A Lot, my face was BURNING HOT.... not coz of the name but coz they are forcing me to scream those things out....
i've gotta say,,, Vera's a VERY VERY good restarant so needless to say it was a full house packed with ppl grinning at me...

but after that, i could no longer keep a straight face. my day ended with me here, now, grinning to myself as i write about my Not So Average Day.

It is sad when some one who you find comfort and understanding in, become the source of your confusion.

It is painful to watch the person you loved being with, become the person you hid from.

It is frustrating to think that, through your best efforts to salvage what is left of your friendship, that person could not care less about it.

It’s agony and torture to the soul, heart and mind, when all 3 causes of your unhappiness, is from one single person, and one person only.

I wanna Feel...

I wanna feel "love",
like Ryan Loves Marissa (in The OC)
like Seth Loves Summer (in The OC)
like Derick Loves Merideth (in the 3rd Season of Grey's Anatomy)
like Clark Loves Lana (in Smallville)
like Ross Loves Rachel (in Friends)
like 五阿哥 Loves 小燕子

Some one who thinks I'm worth the Effort,
Some one who would sit in the rain for hours, just so that they could talk to me
Some one who wants to protect me
Some one who wants to be there for me through good times and bad
Some one who would tell me to expect him to be there, and be there.
Some one who doesnt quit on "us" the second we run into problems
Some one who believes I'm worth the effort.

I wanna feel the rush
I wanna feel the racing of my heart when "he" walks into the room.
I wanna feel myself blushing
I wanna feel like I cant help myself smiling
I wanna feel safe, secure, and charished

I wanna cuddle
I wanna be able to make "him" feel happier when i am near
I wanna be able to lean against him
I wanna be able to trust "him", and "him", me.
I wanna be able to feel him near
feel he cares, feel he wanna care, feel he will care and take initiative to care...
(yes, they are different..)

我不需要天涯海角, 我不需要天長地久. 我只要現在擁有

If anything,
I wanna feel "love" (what ever that may be)

I Cant believe… sigh…
“If you have some time, you wanna do something?”
after months and months of shutting me out, pushing me away AND ignoring me…
how can some one be so cold? I tried to talk to him… and the funny thing is that I didn't even know him, haven't even met the guy. But I want this friendship to work. He was the first guy I could talk to when I came to Canada. We talked for hours, we were friends, great friends.
Then one day he told me he had feelings for me, I was shocked, but I didn't run away.
I stayed where I was, I didn't change, I talked how I use to, I acted the way I use to.
Then, a week later he said he was hurting, by this other girl. His ex. --A week!!! And said he needed some time.
He remind me so much of this Korean ASS I “kinda” dated, a DAMN week..
How could any one do that to another person? If they didn't mean it, why do they say it? Why? It doesn't make any sense, it just doesn't.

Months and Months Later…
Now when the time is convenient for him he asks me if I have time, if I wanna do something with him. After all this time, ignoring me. After all this time.
What did he expect? That I just pretended all the absence in the middle didn't happen? That I was ok with all the ignoring? He didn't explain, he didn't do anything. Just asked me if I wanna do something, if I was bored. Why does he fricken care if I was bored?

I'm tired of all these lies ppl tell me. Told me they care when they don't. Told me they like me when they don't. Told me they'll take care of me when they know they wont. Told me that they'll be there for me when they don't want to.
I'm tired.
I hate it but I cant seem to cut these ppl out. I tried to quit Daniel and claimed that I did. But. I haven't. to be perfectly honest, I haven't. it's killing me. But I haven't, and that's the reason it is killing me, it's coz I haven't. I still wish that one day he would come say hi. You know just the casual saying hi. So far no such luck.

back at some point i had two "bros" now i've got a guy who couldnt care less if he tried but still make small talk once in a while. and another who likes pretending i dont exsist.
that worked out great... sigh.
Emotion is a stupid thing. wish i had none of it.

Taiwanese Side of Sandy: Her All Time Favorites

All Time Favorite Chinese TV series: 還珠格格
Watched the first two seasons 5 times and still haven't got tired of it yet!!
All Time Favorite Chinese Actor: 蘇有朋 (from TW)
All Time Favorite Chinese Actresses: 趙薇(China) ，林心如(TW)
All Time Favorite Chinese Singers: 羅志祥(TW) ， 張韶涵(TW) ， 林俊傑 ， 王力宏(TW)
All Time Favorite Chinese Food: 雞湯麵
All Time Favorite Chinese Quote: 山無稜 天地合 才敢與君絕

To Me, Chinese is a language full of passion, love, 是能讓一對情人之間最能了解的語言 雖然許多時候, 中國人常說 一切竟在不言中. 但是我覺得, 如果感情的事沒有辦法用中文來表達的話, 那其他的語言也不用說了
只有用中文我才能夠灑嬌 能夠裝可愛 能夠讓我孩子氣的一面顯示出來

用英文這些是 一點都不通 我一直認為 英文是一個很嚴肅的語言 是一個很straightforward, 很action driven 的語言 就比如說 我看英文的愛情片/ 連戲劇 一直都是 I Love You? 接下來不會多說一定就是動作來表示他有多愛 Of course I dont mean kissing and making love. 我也在說為愛的人做的一切 there is action, but rarely taking of how these action should be taken. But I guess it should be explained as being realistic.

可是在看中文的愛情片 裡中的愛情 花言巧語 甜言蜜語 種種不少
再加上 天盟海誓 天涯海角 天長地久 白頭偕老 這些聽起來多麼動人
許多時候 每個人聽了這些話 除了動人之外 還有想像空間 讓自己的心為電視螢幕裡的主角動搖
心動的程度, 想像的空間 比任何導演的畫面都強烈阿

再說, 你在會演電影 也演不出 天盟海誓 白頭偕老 獨一無二 的畫面阿

就算 "盡在不言中" 這也是英文最好的解釋和翻譯 也翻譯不出中文簡簡單單的這幾個字的強烈意思 When translated into English, it becomes long-winded, and wordy. No longer express the passion, appreciation and strength of the 5 simple word it was in Chinese.

I turned around today and found the ugliness of the world. I turned around and see the poor, the starved, the angered and the unhappy.

I look ahead and the right of me and see hope, dreams, smiles and those of the past i took with me. My friends and family, my fav. ppl in the world, my life, and my supporters.

I look behind me of me and see all the things I left behind, willingly, those whom I abandoned and those who abandoned me.

I looked on the left of me and see all the things I dream of having, those who urge me to abandon but i refuse to let go... those of whom i ought to delete from my msn list but couldnt... pulling them along side of me. -- these are the events, objects, and ppl that allow me to taste the different tastes of life, the shocks...the supprises.. and of course the pressure, and pain-- the burden.

I looked at my contact list on MSN yet again... maybe it is time to let go of my heaviest burden, the one which gave me the most pain and greif. But, this line, is so hard to cut, after all we've been through. i felt like i should write an email, to say that i'm sorry, to say that i hate the way we've ended up, to say that i dont want this to end, to say that i wish we could be close again like we used to... but how will i start? will it work? will it ever be the same again?

on a Lighter and Happier Note.
I'm going to a Formal Masquerade Party tomorrow. I am Excited and Scared.
i have an Awesome Mask (not lame halloween mask) a real Masquerade mask with feathers and everything lol ~ it's so damn cool..
i have a beautiful long floor sweeping Black dress.
and a beautiful lady like watch. so i know when midnight is. ~ haha!!
sigh... ~ so much excitment, and so much fear. very mixed feeling. lol
at least i will have friends to go with me. ~ i when i know when i will be protected.. just like back in SSIS.
the only differences between here and SSIS are the different ppl, and in SSIS iKNOW and i trust ppl around me to take care of me. here i have to convince myself so.

i miss being able to act younger than my age... i miss being able to act myself.
it's not to say that i dont like the new me.. but, it's new. and it doesnt feel "me".
but again, i'm like this so often, it feels like it IS me...
i change, but i prefer the old me. can ppl change into some one they dont wanna be?

My Dark And Scary Secrets #2

Things sometimes are not what they seem to be, people are sometimes are not who they claim to be. Things change, people change. I don't expect you to be any different.
I am giving you a chance to change.

I know that there are times when you think that I am a bump in your smooth road. That's why I am letting you go. I can take care of myself, i can!,

I claim that I cant, to hold on to something/some one that doesn't belong to me. You allow me to think that I need to be taken care of, you allow me to become ur liability. I thank you for that, but I know one day you will want to go and explore the world of your own with out having to consult me.

I know I've chased away many jealous gfs, you've always laugh and said that they just didn't know who they are dealing with. I laughed with you and agreed. But lets face it… how long are you willing to hang on to me / let me hang on to you… how long/ how many amazing girls are you willing to see me just simply chase away?

The truth is, this amazing relationship between you and I, will never compare to having a gf. We grew up together. Our moms grew up together. And we will always see each other, always have each other. No relationship is closer than one bonded by blood

Those jealous gfs KNOW (well they better…) that they are your gfs and not me. They just cant stand the fact that you put me as your top priority. I confess that it feels good to be priority in some one's life. actually not just good, it is GREAT.
And I know once I let you go, things might start to drift apart. Things will change. And I know that my little sport at top of the list will slowly slip downwards… but this has to be done.

I also know that you will always be there for me if and when I need you. But right now, (other than the fact that I am overstressed) my life is well on its way, so should yours.

You told me that you wont let go of my hand, until I let go of yours.
Well… now I'm letting go.

I'm writing here because I am not ready to tell you this yet… But I know that day is soon to come… For your good and for mine.

my dark and scary secret #1

i kept all his secrets. i kept it even from my best friend.
i didnt breath a word to any one about things he doesnt want me to tell. and he turns around, for no reason and pushed me out... worse, he said he cant tell me things because i'll tell everyone. that hurt.

He is different... so different it hurt. he gets ppl close enough to the door than slams it right in their face. ok maybe not Ppl.. but at least. Me.

i was the only.. and i mean ONLY person he talked to about his feelings, and what-nots for a little while.. He Came to me for Advise, HE was the one who asked me to get closer to him. HE was the one who invited me TO HIM. HE was the one who CLAIMs that he was gonna be my bro and take care of me. I took all those things he said and do very seriously. i treat all my friends VERY seriously. but

HE...is also the one who BROKE all of those promises and slamed the door in my face.

i was in shock... i tried to open the door to get close to him. but all i do is open the door wide enough each time so that he can slam it shut again.
In my face,
And each time it hurt more and more. it's like cutting urself again and again, and like putting salt on a open cut. it's painful... so painful that each time i think about it i scream with agony.

Now. i'm walking away.

The door is closed forever.

It's locked from my side.

I've thrown away the keys.

There is only 4 friends who can hurt me and cause so much pain and damage,
he's the first of the 4. i hope he's also the last.