Guys, With Strange Effects.

the world is white...
it was snowing yesterday, again...
it's kinda annoying now, coz i have to walk 20 min in the snow to get to class everyday... i love the snow when i dont actally have to go to clas. like in the holiday i wish it would snow some so that i can go skiing. that would be fun.
but right now.. snowing isnt such a great idea...

nothing much is going on right now.. i am so addicted to YouTube, it's so bad... sigh, i can watch just random stuff one after the next and never stop. i try to stop myself.. but look... studying is so boring... lol


sometimes that you know something is not going to work out... but you still cant help urself. you cant control it. espeically when it comes to feelings...
Guy #1
Origin: Norway Fact: Great Smile, Cute
i was in class today, (same as any other day), he saw me, smiled and waved. caught me off guard. lost my breath for a moment. i doubt he knew my name though, but he sees me so often he's bound to know that i am in his class. i managed to recover my shock in time to smile and say hey back. ~ we've been classmates for 4 months.. i think that was the first time he said hi to me... felt weird, but better late than never right?

Guy #2
Origin: HK. Fact: Great Personality, Nice, Smart, Cute.
i've been in SSIS long enough and hung out with "you-know-who" long enough to expect that i wasnt going to get my things back if i lend it out. ~ so, i lend my pencil to one of the guys in my class yesterday, by the end of the class i havent got my pencil back... i didnt expect too much, i just went "o-wel there goes another one." haha. today in math class, he sat beside me. i think we made the longest conversation we had in 4 months... lol that was amazing, especailly coz he sat beside me EVERY Math class.. we never spoke more than 10 sentences to each other...
ok back to my pencil.
at the end of the class i asked him if i could borrow pencil from him (*hint) coz i need to fill out a bubble-sheet (u'all know what that is right?) and i dont have a pencil any more (since he took mine). so he said i have yours, i meant to give it back~ so i got my pencil back. ~... ok not an interesting story.. ~

Guy #3
Origin: Taiwan (speaks chinese with Canadian Accent) Fact: Smart, Nice, Nice Smile
today was the Last OB class. it was an interesting class where, the first part of the lesson, we finished off group presesntations, some listened, some stared into space, some were busy filling out peer assessments, some slept.
he sat beside me and he slept; he have always been the one who makes me laugh, even when times it's not funny. in OB class we were divided into groups who we have to work on 2 projects with the group we are with, he was in my group. being with him, working in a group with him were the most "laughable" moments in UBC. first glance at him he's this very logical and up-right guy (if u know what i mean) if u dont get to talk to him or get to know him u would never guess that he's got a fun side. he feels like the kind of guy that u know you can depend on. not to mention he is good looking too.lol. ~
**now now dont get too excited.. he's got a gf(though we can always change that LOL jk jk)**
i have a good feeling that he is gonna be one of the long term friends here in UBC.

Guy #4 ***
well... we've been friends ever since i was in 9th grade. thinking back to 9th grade i know we werent that close then.. but, now it seems like i've known him for my entire life/
for those of you whom i discribe my "ideal" bf to will know and see that it is true when i say there are many falt in him and lots of my "ideal bf criteria" that he does not meet, not even close. but strangely enough, (though i keep denying it), he seems to be the one who draws me towards him most. not that he is doing it on purpose, (which gets even more creepy and annoying for me).
i didnt dare think of him more than what i've always been calling him. it would be too much of a mess and trouble if otherwise. besides the possibility is vurtually zero.
and also, i love my friends too much to make such foolish/ selfish move even if i dared.

you know, i love something called internet.
i think it's the greatest means of communication ever invented..

Feelings. Love. Me.

having a love life for all those pretty, sophisticated, sexy, cute girls out there always seem so easy. it's so obvious which kinds of girls guys go for... it's also clear to me, that i'm not one of them. they make average/ below average girls' life so difficult.

i talked to one of my highschool guy friends, he asked me if i think being pretty, sophisticated, sexy or cute is all that matters. i told him that i dont think that it is all that matters. but it seems like guys think that they are of some importance. first impressions seem so important for guys,.. but average/below average firls never make any (let alone good) first impressions for guys. so for us, it is important for guys to know us a bit more, to know what's in the inside.

i love the fact that i was able to go to small size schools because it allow guys in my class to get to know me more. To be able to get use to the guys, to come out comfortable enough to laugh, joke, hang-out, and to some, even share my thoughts and feelings. being able to go out with guys.

though sometimes, i have this feeling that maybe the guys whom i was with, was with me becuase they dont have many other choices. may not be true, but who knows?

a friend told me that for average girls, it's important for us to make friends with guys, to show them what's inside. how them the values within. i asked her what if i dont have any? she told me that's maybe what i think, but it's not true.
Me: is that so?

there are times where i wish i have some one beside me, who i could share my troubles, worries, thoughts, my heart. to have a shoulder to cry on, or to have someone who would call me just to tell me i was missed.

i envy those ppl who always seem so independent. ppl who act as though they dont need a 2nd person to complete them.... where as me, without my friends and ppl who supports me along the way, i feel unstable, incomplete, like a chipped plate.

The closest thing i feel in terms of being loved here in UBC is when i am talking to my highschool friends online. one of them... i dont know what my feelings are towards him, actually, i know what my feelings are, but i'm controlling it.
for him and me, it's impossible. it was impossible back in SSIS, its even more impossible now. i treasure him as a friend, and i never want to lose that, and i wont do anything that would ever risk that.

i am only able to say these things here because i know no one is reading this blog. haha, some may ask me what's the point. well it feels great to let my feelings out... it's killing me inside. ppl may read it. but i know it wouldnt be him. so it wouldnt matter. ppl who read it, well probably knows about most of these things already. maybe not about him, but they wont spoil the secret so no worries there too, ppl who read this blog, are my closest friends, it is time for them to know the truth anyways, i never kept anything from them for so long..

My Continuous Studies

Continuous studies... what does that mean...
well it's kinda simple, it is just studying continuously.~
it just that they make it sound nicer by switching it around. but actually that is what it means. ~ people manipulate things so that it sounds better than it actually means.

well wat can i do about it... nothing areally... i just really hope these 4 years can fly by in a flash... so i can get out of here.
i'm not saying that i dont like my classes... dont get me wrong.. i actualy dont mind them coz they are interesting.. but the exams and test... they really get to me... i dont know why they do.. but they just do... i hate it that it is...because i can do so well in projects and classwork.. but when it comes to exams... i just go blank...

i dont see what is the point of the exams.. and tests. because really in real life project and assignments are what really happens right? no one is going to test you what u know about calculus when u are in work... they might require you using it.. but u can always look up the calculation formula if u forget.. so what's the point? so math you can give lots of work and stuff but what's the use of banning us from Calculator and Formula sheets? who is really gonna ban you from calculator at work... in fact i dont think there is any kind of work that requires you to be able to do calculus in ur head...

so math exams with out formula sheets and calculator is totally unrealistic... really no point... sigh.. and yet that is what we are ended up with in uni... along with all the other subjects.. who really is goning to test if u know all the concepts in Economics when u apply for a job? if u dont know it.. just look it up... that's what books are for.. and when u know the stuff well enough gradually you will be able to memorise the ones u use most... but u dont have to remember EVERYTHING RIGHT?

totally insane... i wish i was the school board.. i would change everything.

Justin Timberlake