Work & Changes to be Made

( ~ Stares ~ )
I've been wanting to write this post forever and now that I've actually have it open, I'm lost for words.
( ~ Sits here staring for another 15 mins ~ )
I cant seem to know where to start. So many things happen each day it's been so crazy I remember being upset but now ... I don't know exactly why.  Isn't that crazy?

One thing I know for sure that I'm upset about is being under appreciated. It's the worse feeling in the world when you are busy and tired everyday. But your direct manager doesn't know what you do on a day to day basis and think that you have a lot of free time on your hands.  -- For a long while, I was bitter. 

-- It's time to take ownership for this misunderstanding.  So far, all I've done is pout and accuse her for not understanding what I do.  It is true that she hired me and therefore she should know what my job is. She's the HR Director, she "should" know what our processes are.  BUT the fact that she DIDN'T know can't be changed now. All we can do is move forward, and if I want anything to change then I have to take action to make these changes. The fact that she STILL doesn't know what I do is now MY fault because I failed to communicate this to her. 

The 2nd thing I was upset about is the lack of guidance and direction I receive.  An extension to this is neglect. I understand that I am on contract, but as long as I am working there I am still an employee and should be treated as such. I have never received any training, I made up the process and did the job to the best of my ability. The best way I know how. But I always feel like I'm scrabbling. 

Now I don't want you to think that I'm all complaints when it comes to my job. There are times where I feel like I'm going to kill some one. (ok, maybe most of the time I feel like I wanna kill some one.) But I AM learning a lot from this place.  I learned to stand my ground, to push back and question authority, to question people who are higher up in the hierarchal chain. -- for those of you who don't know me too well.  This is an impressive improvement for a girl who rarely ever talks back to her parent and still work to please. 

There are many things I would like to change and accomplish here.

I wonder if I could just think positive like before and be okay with living solely on optimism.  I may not be able to choose what happens to me, but I can choose how I react, how I deal with it. I truly believe that by choosing to face things with the most positive attitude and acceptance I would be able face the work place with a lighter heart.   To stop offering people my heart.  As one of my coworkers said "work-friends" is totally different from friends outside work. I have to learn to treat people differently and learn to make that differentiation. 

Two more weeks I would be half way done my 6 month contract. As much as I hate interviews and looking for jobs and having to get use to a new environment, leaving is probably the best option for me; for my future and my career.  I have never imagine myself doing recruitment as a career and the sooner I get out of it the better because I don't want to be stuck in it.  -- I want to move towards a Generalist role and I think I'm ready to take the next step and handle more responsibilities and be more hands-on with other HR functions other than recruitment.

That's all the updates for now.  

There are many changes I believe I can make that would make my life a lot happier and easier. :) 

Will update on how they turn out :P.

Promise next post is less narrative. :)  -- just find that right now, it's easier on my emotions and temper if I think narratively and logically. 

xoxo 

Love lots, 

- B -