Work & Changes to be Made

( ~ Stares ~ )
I've been wanting to write this post forever and now that I've actually have it open, I'm lost for words.
( ~ Sits here staring for another 15 mins ~ )
I cant seem to know where to start. So many things happen each day it's been so crazy I remember being upset but now ... I don't know exactly why.  Isn't that crazy?

One thing I know for sure that I'm upset about is being under appreciated. It's the worse feeling in the world when you are busy and tired everyday. But your direct manager doesn't know what you do on a day to day basis and think that you have a lot of free time on your hands.  -- For a long while, I was bitter. 

-- It's time to take ownership for this misunderstanding.  So far, all I've done is pout and accuse her for not understanding what I do.  It is true that she hired me and therefore she should know what my job is. She's the HR Director, she "should" know what our processes are.  BUT the fact that she DIDN'T know can't be changed now. All we can do is move forward, and if I want anything to change then I have to take action to make these changes. The fact that she STILL doesn't know what I do is now MY fault because I failed to communicate this to her. 

The 2nd thing I was upset about is the lack of guidance and direction I receive.  An extension to this is neglect. I understand that I am on contract, but as long as I am working there I am still an employee and should be treated as such. I have never received any training, I made up the process and did the job to the best of my ability. The best way I know how. But I always feel like I'm scrabbling. 

Now I don't want you to think that I'm all complaints when it comes to my job. There are times where I feel like I'm going to kill some one. (ok, maybe most of the time I feel like I wanna kill some one.) But I AM learning a lot from this place.  I learned to stand my ground, to push back and question authority, to question people who are higher up in the hierarchal chain. -- for those of you who don't know me too well.  This is an impressive improvement for a girl who rarely ever talks back to her parent and still work to please. 

There are many things I would like to change and accomplish here.

I wonder if I could just think positive like before and be okay with living solely on optimism.  I may not be able to choose what happens to me, but I can choose how I react, how I deal with it. I truly believe that by choosing to face things with the most positive attitude and acceptance I would be able face the work place with a lighter heart.   To stop offering people my heart.  As one of my coworkers said "work-friends" is totally different from friends outside work. I have to learn to treat people differently and learn to make that differentiation. 

Two more weeks I would be half way done my 6 month contract. As much as I hate interviews and looking for jobs and having to get use to a new environment, leaving is probably the best option for me; for my future and my career.  I have never imagine myself doing recruitment as a career and the sooner I get out of it the better because I don't want to be stuck in it.  -- I want to move towards a Generalist role and I think I'm ready to take the next step and handle more responsibilities and be more hands-on with other HR functions other than recruitment.

That's all the updates for now.  

There are many changes I believe I can make that would make my life a lot happier and easier. :) 

Will update on how they turn out :P.

Promise next post is less narrative. :)  -- just find that right now, it's easier on my emotions and temper if I think narratively and logically. 

xoxo 

Love lots, 

- B -

A New Begining

Wow, my last post was a year and a bit ago. If this was a resume I would have taken it to the shredder back in Oct. 2010. (as common practice, we keep candidate's resumes for 1year. )

2011. We can definitely call this year a new beginning.

Many life milestones were set in 2010:
- I have graduated from UBC.
- Moved in to my new place.
- Living in Canada all on my own for the very first time.
- Started a New/First Job after Graduation.

Graduating: DONE!! thinking back, it seem so long ago.
4th year went by so fast i had no idea where my time all went.  i studied hard. partied hard. -- i guess in the end that's all that matters :P
Especially because the Winter Olympics being in Vancouver. it made 2010 more exciting than any other year. I went a little crazy with the Olympic souvenirs, I bought most of the stuffed mascots, My favorite being MukMuk and Quatchi, there are more than 2 for each of them :P   shhhh dont tell my mom, she'll freak out, considering we thew out 2 garbage bags of stuffed toys when we moved out of our place in Delta. (hahah) Well... actually, they ddint get "thrown out", my mom kindly donated them -- against my constant protest and pouting.

Even though Graduation seem so long ago. I still often get flash back to that day I graduated and many moments during the 4 years of University.  Still, for the life of me, (and Sneha) we cant remember how we came to know each other. We worked backwards from when we first remember we hung out together but neither of us can remember the very first time we met. and HOW. or WHY. This is just one of the many wonderful mysteries.

Moving into a new place, a place of my own, is scary.  I'm still not use to it.  At times, I really hate it.
It's too quiet and there's no one to talk to.  I'm a social bug.  I need interaction and conversations. I need hugs I need people. My landlords are nice people. They are loud sometimes. Like yesterday, they were fighting with each other, there were people crying, people yelling and people simply stomping.  All i could fully get was the daughter screaming "This Is MY Life."  --- and because I am a mean and horrible human-being. The first thing that came to my mind was breaking into a song "It's My liiiiffeee~ it's now or ne-ver! "  :S

Working at my first job, a company that manufactures high performance sports wear, is  a challenge to say the least. The process in which I obtain this job was not without upsetting obstacles. The unsureness i feel about this company still remains, but i refuse to let it drag me down.  I'll continue working there and I will be happy about it.  I am going to continue looking though.

This is the first post about my job and i'm sure there are many posts to come that would have more information on this job and my "fantastic" adventures there.

The roller Coaster of emotions I had to endure was discouraging first step into the real world.

:)
This is just a Short&Sweet summary of the year 2010.
The First Post after being MIA for a year and 3 months
The First Post of the year 2011.
The First Post after Graduation.
The First Post since I started living on my own.
The First Post of Independence.

-- Hopefully not the last. :p

Schooling Affords Categorization

Alexander Luria, a founder of the Russian-Historical School of cultural psychology, interviewed Russian peasants with no formal education.  

• The participants were given a list of four objects and they were ask to identify the one that didn’t belong
• Often participants focused on concrete and practical aspects of how the objects could be used together, and did not create any categories 

Example questions

Participant 1:

- “Hammer, saw, log, hatchet.  Which one doesn’t belong?”  

“They’re all alike.  I think all of them have to be here.  See, if you’re going to saw, you need a saw, and if you have to split something you need a hatchet.  So they’re all needed here.”

 

“Which of these things could you call by one word?”

“How’s that?  If you call all three of them a ‘hammer,’ that won’t be right either.”

“But one fellow picked three things - the hammer, saw, and hatchet- and said they were alike."

“A saw, a hammer, and a hatchet all have to work together.  But the log has to be here too!”

“Why do you think he picked these three things and not the log?"

"Probably he’s got a lot of firewood, but if we’ll be left without firewood, we won’t be able to do anything.”

 Participant 2:

“Hammer, saw, log, hatchet.  Which one doesn’t belong?”

“It’s the hammer that doesn’t fit!  You can always work with a saw, but a hammer doesn’t always suit the job, there’s only a little you can do with it.”

"Yet one fellow threw out the log.  He said the hammer, saw, and hatchet were all alike in some way, but the log is different.”

“If we’re getting firewood for the stove, we could get rid of the hammer, but if it’s planks we’re fixing, we can do without the hatchet.”

“If you had to put these in some kind of order, could you take the log out of the group?”

"No, if you get rid of the log, what good would the others be?”

"Suppose I put a dog here instead of the log?"

“If it was a mad dog, you could beat it with the hatchet and the hammer and it would die.”

 

In sum, many cognitive skills and habits that we are often not aware of, emerge as the product from formal schooling.

End Summer - Back to School

Wow. Last year. Scared shitless about it... but at the same time I am so happy that it's my last year. :) GRADUATION YEAH!!

So far the classes have been great and i am enjoying every moment of it. Lets just hope that this enthusiasm continues THROUGHOUT the year. But usually my "happiness level" about being in school dies down around end of October. We'll just have to make sure that it doesnt happen this year.

This year is going to be different from all the other years.
There are a lot of things i want to do this year, in addition to doing well in school that is.
I want to see all the Theatre shows from UBC students production and Music Concerts. I want to attend all the interesting seminars, go see Terry Talk (UBC version of TED Talk), .... etc. I just want to do EVERYTHING this year. making most of my last year in University.

Over the summer I've also picked up on a few things i would like to continue doing during the school year.
1. I've started to play piano again. It's great. Learning new pieces and practicing. Each new song learnt is an achievement.
2. I've started to read again, extra curricular books, that is. I remember how much I loved reading. School reading got in the way, cut down my reading time outside school, and eventually I stopped. My goal this year is to continue, no matter the school load.
3. and as you can see, I've started to write on my blogs again.

The "Dark Cloud" hovering over my final month of summer is slowly gliding away.
Many Thanks to Frank and Samantha, who's been there every step of the way. Not Judging, always encouraging, understanding, loving, and their possitive attitude regardless of the mistakes i made and my stupidity.
Thanks to Jocelyn and Jerrick and Tanja who have ALWAYS been there, All the important moments, listening to me, giving advice, supporting me from MILLIONS of miles away.  The distance means NOTHING when you have a friendship like ours.

This "Dark Cloud" had thunder, had lightning, had quiet rain, had a silent storm's eye, had forest fires and title waves. --there were casualties along the way, there are concequences, and left scars that are still healing.

I am hoping, some day in the near future, i will be able to talk about the contents of this "Dark Cloud". The "Dark Cloud" changed me. For those of you who had read "A Little More Me, A Little Less Me, Yet I am Still..." Post would have had a LITTLE taste of how confused i was at that point in my life. That particular mistake was only 1/4th of all that's going on in my life.

Many thanks to Vera's, it was my safe habour, my temparory eye of the storm. A safe, calm, happy place I can always count on to be safe, calm and happy. A place i can go to temparory forget. They never failed to to tell me how much I was liked there. And though they had no idea what's wrong with me, they have no doubts when it comes to who's side they're on, MINE.

Thank You
- B -

Understanding

You: "knowing and understanding some one are two very different things"
I have never thought about that. But, now to think of it, i would say that's only partly true.
They're not totally different. To know some one doesnt necessarily mean you understand them. But i would assume you would have to know them first, before you can understand.

You: "Who would you say knows you?"
without a doubt, without missing a beat, I replied: "Tanja, Jocelyn, Jerrick, Frank, Milan, and Sneha. And pretty much in that order of familiarity too." Some are really close calls, some with huge gaps, but if i was to put them in some form of order, i guess that would be it.
But could i tell you with the same confidence and certainty that they also understand me? --No, I could not.
Some of these people being in my life the way they are, is a fiction I Made/Force come true. My only leverage is my presistance and their love for me, for some, it still baffles me to see how much they care.
These people knows me, my moods, my likes/dislikes, my obsessions, my emotions, my hobbies,...
These people knows me, my reaction, my opinions, my decisions, and even my indecisions.
These people knows me, my personality, my career dreams, what i should be doing, what i shouldnt.
Sometimes, these people knows me, better than I know me.

All of these people takes up an important role in my life.
Tanja the Babysitter, Jocelyn the understanding companion, Jerrick the logical rationalist, Frank the solution giver, Milan the supporter, and Sneha the sympathetic listener.
Of course, it is not the only role they each take on in my life, often they take on other ppl's roles and then some.
To say the least, they care about me.

They were there to lend a comforting shoulder, to offer a warm understanding embrace, most important thing of all, the one they proved themselves true time and time again, They were not people i could simply chase away.
Becase they KNOW I need them.
Does that mean they understand me?

When does Knowing become Understanding?

Most of the time i dont understand you and i dare not say I do. But I do want to get to know you, i want to, on some level, understand you. -- If only you would let me.

You: "sometimes communication doesnt help understanding."
I beg to differ.
-- sometimes-- it depends if you want to. Willingness to undersatnd goes a long way.
-- sometimes-- it start with accepting and acknowledging their decisions and actions. As well as respecting it.
-- sometimes-- checking your own emotions, preconceptions, prejudice, and attitude at the door goes with the package.
-- sometimes-- it is pointless to try and understand everything because,
-- sometimes-- even the person themselves may not fully understand why they did, what they did.

Accpeting with no judgement, with a sincere smile, with an open mind, with support and encouragement.

Unconditional love = Understanding (?)
almost sounds like it, doesnt it? -- But then, there's more to it.
I guess, it will have to do, --to start.