I turned around today and found the ugliness of the world. I turned around and see the poor, the starved, the angered and the unhappy.

I look ahead and the right of me and see hope, dreams, smiles and those of the past i took with me. My friends and family, my fav. ppl in the world, my life, and my supporters.

I look behind me of me and see all the things I left behind, willingly, those whom I abandoned and those who abandoned me.

I looked on the left of me and see all the things I dream of having, those who urge me to abandon but i refuse to let go... those of whom i ought to delete from my msn list but couldnt... pulling them along side of me. -- these are the events, objects, and ppl that allow me to taste the different tastes of life, the shocks...the supprises.. and of course the pressure, and pain-- the burden.

I looked at my contact list on MSN yet again... maybe it is time to let go of my heaviest burden, the one which gave me the most pain and greif. But, this line, is so hard to cut, after all we've been through. i felt like i should write an email, to say that i'm sorry, to say that i hate the way we've ended up, to say that i dont want this to end, to say that i wish we could be close again like we used to... but how will i start? will it work? will it ever be the same again?

on a Lighter and Happier Note.
I'm going to a Formal Masquerade Party tomorrow. I am Excited and Scared.
i have an Awesome Mask (not lame halloween mask) a real Masquerade mask with feathers and everything lol ~ it's so damn cool..
i have a beautiful long floor sweeping Black dress.
and a beautiful lady like watch. so i know when midnight is. ~ haha!!
sigh... ~ so much excitment, and so much fear. very mixed feeling. lol
at least i will have friends to go with me. ~ i when i know when i will be protected.. just like back in SSIS.
the only differences between here and SSIS are the different ppl, and in SSIS iKNOW and i trust ppl around me to take care of me. here i have to convince myself so.

i miss being able to act younger than my age... i miss being able to act myself.
it's not to say that i dont like the new me.. but, it's new. and it doesnt feel "me".
but again, i'm like this so often, it feels like it IS me...
i change, but i prefer the old me. can ppl change into some one they dont wanna be?